My father passed away in April and I've been staying at the family farmstead ever since. Many people suggested I write a book about experiencing the death of my father, living alone on a working farm and/or dealing with the cast of characters that ramble in and out of here on a daily basis. That seems overwhelming. Especially given the fact that I've never written a book and the more important fact that I've been avoiding writing since I've been here. That's not entirely true, I've been avoiding writing anything of any significance for years. Even after typing that last sentence I took a five minute time out to watch three rabbits chase each other around the yard. It's quite fascinating to watch rabbits when you live over a mile from another human and discontinued the satellite television because you convinced yourself you don't need it and you'll have a more interesting experience without it. Solitude. Self reliance. Lots to write about there. Once you remove the rose colored glasses you just end up watching rabbits play in the yard if you finished all your chores before dark. If not, you end up putting together puzzles at the dining room table and listening to old country or classic rock or something else you know all the words to.

I've been here for a while. It's somewhere in the neighborhood of the beginning of June now. I started a temporary job working as an independent contractor at one of the giant "Marts" in town. The whole place is a hot mess and I show up whenever I get there and arrange things however I like. It's been perfect for me and for them. I'm an expert when it comes to making people want to buy things. I've worked in advertising for my entire adult life. In return, no one tells me what to do or when to do it because they're all puzzled as to why I'm there but delighted that it looks so nice.

I've decided not to edit any of this blog, indefinitely. It's partially an exercise in free writing and partially due to this strange epiphany that I had tonight when I was watering the garden that I hadn't really wanted, which was then commandeered from me and subsequently partially abandoned. I was irritated as I was watering and I had a hard time understanding why. I actually like gardening so it seems absurd to be angrily gardening. Hell, the words "angrily" and  "gardening" are absurd in the same sentence. It was because it hadn't been planted the way I would have done it, there was litter scattered about and no one had watered for a few days. I decided to try a new approach to life. I am going to try to find enjoyment in the act of doing and not solely in the act of doing well.